if im the problem, are you willing to be my solutions ?

salam and hello blogger! :) today, i feel like wanna blog, so i blog. Haah..

So, lately.. My lifes getting better and better. Eventho deep in me, i know im not. But, wth ? I want it to be better. So, i say it better saja. Haah! Stress much ? But, life must go on. Thats what we should do. Everyone knows that. But yet, whatever happens, happens. Somehow, heres some fact about what happend.

A week before our 19th monthsarry, she wanted to end our relations. Eventho i dont, but i have to. Whats the point of loving people who doesnt love us back ? Instead, she wants me to move on ? If shes are mine to hold, she wouldnt be that far. Thats my prayers eversince then. Until, she said, she dont want to hold on to me already. Thats when everything has stop. I stop.

Then, when everything seems alright, she came out of nowhere. With a shitty textmsg. Mcm, i was like ? Wtf ? But, yeahh.. Somehow, i heard a voice saying that shes still want you. Thats why she textd. But the rest, they were saying, sudah lah.. Shes just messing up your mind. But yet, i realized that shes not that far away frm me. Thanks!

Funny thing is, shes saying that im the one who is gone away ? Which im not ? But, yeahh.. Move on, gone, goodbyes.. You who did it, i dont.

You once said that i shared our loves to everyone. I never did. But now, i do. I shared my loves to people around me. Mostly to my both families. :')

eventho i still love you, doesnt mean im gonna wait for you all these days. Cause, i did wait, hope and want you to be around me eversince us happend, but you dint fight back for us. And maybe i fight not that hard enough to get you back. Somehow, i only know this, if you are meant for me, you wont be that far away frm me. I believe that.. And thats when our memories cant be faded away. Isyftvftimytn.. :')

"When there's a will, there's always a way."

end.

missing.

salam blogger. Here i wanna share that, i felt missing this few days. And ive been confused. Confusing so bad. I dont know what to do already. Im confused between, i should or i should not. Eventho she wants me to move on, and want me to forget her, but, seriously, i couldnt. The more we dint contacting each other makes me missing you so bad. I can see you, i can feel you. I just, still inlove with you! I can't deny that. But thats the thing, should i contact you and confess my feeling to you right now ? Should i fight for my right to have you ? Should i meet you face to face and talk just to settle this ? But, the thing is, i dont want to pajal and force you. I dont wanna annoyed you. Plus, i couldnt do anything sudah. Even i tried my best not to think of you, but i admit it, the more i dont wanna think of you, the more you appears in my mind. Everytime i read books, i only can see your face, your smile, your shadow. Everytime i dont wanna think of you, mikin kuat tplng tia. I even tried to forget you by contacting other girls thro facebook apa, tapi still.. You are still the special one for me. I bet, this is because our prayers selama ani. Im not hoping, but i know, if youre the one for me, you wont be far away frm me. I believe that. You'll come back, and finish what we have started. Incase you read this, i honestly wanna say im so sorry for what i did wrong to you and baby, please do come back, i miss you so much. Do contact me. :')

p/s: listen to your heart baby, cause we both know, deep in our hearts, nothing can stop us unless God take away one of it frm us. 143. :')

if you're not the one.

salam blogger. Its 14th today. And it should be a special day ever for me. But, let it just stays in the past. :')

somehow, i just wanna share that why am i still dreaming about her ? If shes not the one for me, why i can see you in my sleep ? Why God gave me that dreams ? Ya Allah..

I know im not that strong enough to face this. I never what this to happen, but yet, it happend. And it happens along with the reason. But, what reason ?? I dont know.. All i know, God's timing is always perfect. :')

moving on ? Yes, everyone asked me to. But, its easy for them to say and maybe its easy for her to say and to move on. To me, i know this gonna take awhile. Gilaa.. No used of saying loves mun sekajap dpt melupakan. Thats bullshit. Somehow, this bullshit, happens.

Actually, i still cant accept it. But, my surrounding asked me to, makes me. Eventho, i say no, but i know every no theres always a yes. The families, friends, asked me to move on. Even the sistem as well. But, yet.. It takes time. Cause i know, in me im still inlove with you. :,)

but yet.. Shes always been special to me. I might agreed with what they said about her. Eventho its hurting my feelings, but .. Idk. All i know, Tuhan pasti menunjukkan ke jalan yang lebih baik to both of us.

You wanna end this, i'll end it now. You want me to move on, i'll move on now. You want goodbye, i give you my goodbye. :')

since you seems okeh for what happend, i only can pray for your better life. Always be good. And, happy used-to-be 19th monthsarry to both of us. Deep in our heart, we're still together until marriage seperate us. :')

cheers.

Random

salam, blogger. Idontknow where to start, but i always dreamt or should i say angan angan ? about that someone. Why ? Its like this, i saw you coming mengajutly to my place and saying sorry to all my family for what you did. And you come to my room and you saw me sleeping. But you dint bother me, but you lay down next to me instead untill im awake. You wait for me and first words that i hear once i opened my eyes frm sleeping is you saying, "i'm sorry, and i love you." :')

idontknow what God's tryna tell me this time by giving me that dreamt. Idontknow.. But all i know, i wont lock my door everytime i go to sleep now. Might never know, miracle do happens. Im not hoping, but im wishing for it instead. But all i believe is, if you are mine to hold on, you can always find a way back into me. If not, then its alrght. :')

i guess til here dulu then.. Cheers! :)

iDREAMyou.

salam. Blogger, today was awesome! I just got back home frm NBT. Woh.. Its different brabis rasanya. Empty. Seeing my friend with his partner tdi, wah.. It remind me of us chasing the dreams. But yet, i sees you still. And i almost texted you saying what i felt tdi til now. But yet, its not worth it, i know.. Wel, i dont.. Antah! Lost sudah.. Feels like wanna high myself off crazily til stupid. But yet, i had commited to myself, its enough with that stuff. And move on to a better things. Dreams ? Yes, thats more better. I saw them travelling. Since mum's dreams wants to travell, so its a why not to make it happen. Travelling for free with the family, thats what i can see tdi. And your face poped out everytime i blink. :')

since theres no one to share, i just share it here. Even if theres someone where i can share, its gonna be the family. I learnd something about sharing jua. Mesti ada pihak yang sakit hati. So, i should not share with random people this time. Lately, i learned alot. Alhamdulillah.. I thank God for whatever happens to me. And i always appreciate to someone, and thank you for being part of the family for almost two years. Thank you and may God always bless you. Amin.

I just need to find my new dreams this time. And yes, i know i can dream it, and i know i can achieve it. "Hold tights your dreams, and never let dream stealer steal your dreams." thats the qoutes that i put in me. Good evening guys, and happy always. Cheers.

it fixed.

salam. Wahh.. Goodmorning blogger! :D alhamdulillah, im awake and alive today. I still had the chance to live and to learn more about living. Somehow, this few days back, i was aiming to fix my sleeping timing and yes, it works. :D

so, let me share here hows my days this week. Eventho it was not so good, but i managed to face it and tried my very best to move on. With the help of book that i read right now, it make me understand more for what just happend. But, yeah.. Nothing last forever. Not just the relations, but the pain as well.

So, yesterday, i was out with my business partner for a breakfast. Since ive been askd to build relations with her, its a why not ? Then we had our breakfast at ca mohammad in gadong. And since she wanna upgrade herself with her studies, whe went to Bahagian Pendidikan Lanjutan. And terus i wanna refun my tickets. But, since batah.. I just walk around and who might never know i might find my diamonds ? :)

since abng kanzul was there, sama ya tia all the way. And since hes going after that, i was with my other business partner who studied there. So, had to chance to know new people. His friends. And i even had the chance to meet my friends there yang applying. Long lost ugama's friend, mates masa kraja, and ramai. It was fun. Eventho, cematu.. Secara inda sengaja, i was hurting someone's feeling. Which i dint expect that at all. Even her texts was .. Mad ? Idk.. I was guilty jua on a same time. But, i might understand. Shes being emotional on her period mood swing. So, she needs the space. Or she deserved another lover. Cause what ive learned frm yesterday lesson, if its a real lover, they will find a way to stay and growing while learning frm their mistakes.. Cause, no one is perfect in this pretty world. Thats why theres learning.

Nah.. Jauh pulang ksna! Somehow, at 2pm yerterday, we got beauty clinic training with mentor frm Jakarta. It was great. Bnyk belajar. Eventho im too weak, but my mental makes me stronger. Thank God.

Then, after the training, i was sempat consulted with my mentor, kajah about my problems. She who always askd me if i attend the function alone. Somehow, shes understand. With the young age, the process atu banyak. And her solution, mun sudah bru cemani mengusut, and you both cant handle, its better to find another. You will meet someone better in your way heading to your dreams. Dont think too much, just think for your future. :')

then, on my way home, i saw her and her friend heading to my place. And yeah, shes giving me back all my stuff and go. And yet, it makes me stronger. Stronger to run towards my dreams.

Then at 8pm, we got LC Swing. And it was awesome! I learned alot and i learned something new. Alhamdullilah.. Somehow, ada hikmah disebalik atu. Walaupun in a bad situation, theres always good things waiting. Yes, everything is fixed. Bad to good, negative to positive, no to yes, you to me, dark to bright, and stress to success towards my dreams. :'D

"If you can dream it, you can achieve it." - Walt Disney.

oh, again!

salam. I just post it straight to the point. Everythings hard before easy. True. Inda pernah sanang if you aim for a better one. Must been given alot of process. And some, its unexpected. Padahal, baru jua ani, sudah tia. Baru jua atu, ani tia. But, whatever happens, happens.

I know that God's timing is always right. No wonder i be given that dreams. At first, i ignored it, but yatah sudah tu. A sign lah tu kali ahh. But.. Semua pnya hikmah disebalik atu. I believe that. Dipertahankan sesuatu yang diperjuangkan selama ani, its only alot of wasting time. But, inda apa.. The learning process that matter.

End or no end. Sama pun saja. Everyone is still alive. Breakup, is just part of the loves game. But breaking up with the best player, thats the lost. But yet, player are everywhere. Fit or fat, that aint matter at all. To win or to lose, never the point. Cause winners, are the one who stays longer.

Somehow, i thank God this happend. Exactly the right moment where 'this babe' are coming. She always remind me, she'll be mad once we did this. But now, i believe she never care sudah. If she did, she wouldnt gonna end this. Again ?

Biar tia lah. Maybe shes just given to me just for me to learned something about life. But yet, i think its the time to learn something new. Not frm the same person anymore.

Talking about what happend, well.. Seriously, what i did was based on internet's world. The other world yang hanya words who do the talking ? But yet, i know my limits. It only stays on the net's world. Thats in my case. But yours, ada wah gambarnya tarang tarang. Tubuh sama tubuh. Mun kan cakap pasal sakit hati, aku bah inda pernah bejumpa orangnya. Kau ? Almost everyday ? But then, bhapa ku kn stress memikirkan ? Walau ku inda nampak apa yang kau buat, but God knows everything. I know my limits. Limits here, including the feelings that i should, or i should not. Somehow, ada hikmah disebalik semua ani. So that maybe you could focus more on your studies, and me with my goals. Idk.. All i know, baik buruk datang dari Tuhan. :')

"I just want you to be my last, i never want you to be my past, but since you choosed to be my past, i had no guts bringing you to my future."

end.